Reporting Update

The number one question I receive is: Have you reported your rape? or Have you decided to report or not? All of my faithful readers know that this has been such a struggle for me. But the short version is, no. I have not reported. And right now this is how I feel about it…….

That pretty much sums it up. It will be 7 years this July that I was raped, which means the odds of justice ever being served are even more slim that what is posted above. Please don’t get me wrong, I have weighed the pros and cons and have studied both sides of the coin. And right now, I am choosing to put my energy into supporting other survivors of sexual assault take back their power and reclaim their lives.

In the mean time, I am always looking for ways to become more educated on the reporting process and I am always open to your feedback. I so appreciate all the support you have given me throughout this journey ♥

Resources: Photo/Statistics from www.RAINN.org

I’m Back! (and healthy!)

So after a little hiaitus, I’m back Okay it was kind of a long hiaitus… As you may have read in my last post, the last year and half was a total roller coaster where my health was concerned. A year and a half ago, I had spontaneous subarachnoid hemmorhage (a random bleed in my brain). Yes, lucky to be alive, but scared to death because no one could tell me what caused this bleed in my brain to begin with. So needless to say, anytime I would feel the slightest pain in my head, I would fear the worst.
I visited numerous doctors, some of the best in the country, and they all kept telling me I was healthy as could be. But I had never felt worse. I was extremely fatigued. I had a constant headache, frequent migraines, numbness in my face and limbs… the list goes on.
I had nearly reached my breaking point when someone told me to try working with a neuropath doctor. I made an appointment and was so completely impressed with the things he told me with out knowing anything, just by “reading” my pulses. Everything he said made so much sense. So I put my trust in him and began acupuncture treatments that next day. After 3 treatments, I felt incredible. The best I had felt in YEARS. I was rejuvinated and practically pain free! I continued the treatments consistantly for a bit and slowly tapered off (acupuncture is not cheap!)… But I can honestly say that since I started acupuncture, six months ago, I have not suffered another migraine.
I have had some other major changes in my life take place during my hiaitus as well. New house, new job, and a new appreciation for life!
I’ve tried to pace myself and not overdo it since feeling healthy and wonderful again, which is why I’ve taken so much time away from the blog/tweeting and ROAR.
However, in the past month or so, I’ve been back in the game and have been working on bringing back ROAR and re-connecting with all you beautiful souls. Ive moved the official ROAR blog to a new location and hope that you will continue to follow me there.
I missed all my tweeps! Twitworld is so very different than facebook and I’m so very happy to be back.
Thank you to all of those who continued to check on me and send me love. You are all rock stars ♥

Official ROAR blog: www.timetoroar.org
Official ROAR twitter: @TimeToROAR

My Health

Hi faithful readers. Just a little note to let you all know I’m going to be taking some time away from ROAR until I get better.
Just over a year ago, I suffered a subarachnoid hemorrhage (bleed in my brain). The doctors were never able to determine why this happened to me and ever since, I’ve had severe pain in my head. My most recent lumbar puncture showed no signs of blood remnants in my central nervous system, so that rules out the option of the blood remnants causing my pain. I also experience extreme fatigue, numbness in my face, burning sensations in my face, scalp and limbs. And as I type this, my brain feels as though it is sitting in a bowl of acid.
After a number of different tests, the doctors tell me I’m perfectly healthy and I’m probably just experiencing a migraine. I know my body better than that and refuse to believe this is just a migraine. They did discover a growing cyst in my brain on the pineal gland, however they are not certain if this is causing my symptoms as these types of cysts are usually asymptomatic.
I really don’t know what else to do but I do know that I can’t continue to live this way. I have so much in store for ROAR but don’t have the energy to focus on it at this time. So I’m turning my focus to my health until I can figure this out.
Hopefully my hiatus is brief and I’ll be back to ROARing in no time. Until then, best wishes to all of my readers and tweeps.

Love & Courage,
Jaclyn

Green Chile Sour Cream Enchiladas

So my blogs are usually aimed at my personal journey to ROAR. This blog is no exception You might be asking yourself, what do enchiladas have to do with your rape story? Well let me tell you!

This weekend was the 6yr anniversary of my rape. I was surrounded with loving, supportive people but subconsciously I still had a need deep down inside for a little extra comfort.

On Saturday, I woke up with an urge to buy a puppy. I toted my 2 toddlers around to 3 different rescue shelters searching for the perfect puppy. Now, I really don’t want a puppy. But yesterday, I was convinced that was what I wanted. Its amazing what those furry little creatures can do to a person! Thinking about it now, what I was really searching for was comfort, love, happiness. Because having the reminder of such an awful event linger over you all day isn’t all that wonderful a feeling.

After my puppy searching came to an end (I talked some sense into myself & left empty handed), I went shopping at a fun boutique and ended up purchasing a few goodies. Again, I usually only shop to fill a void… Must have been searching for that little extra ray of sunshine to help get me through the day.

So here we are today, still subconsciously on a quest for a little extra dose of happiness, I saw a can of green chiles while at the grocery store this morning. It was like a light bulb went off. The green chiles reminded me of my mom’s incredible enchiladas. Just imagining that deliciousness in my tummy made me happy! So I grabbed everything I needed & voila- there were green chile sour cream enchiladas on my table at dinner time… and I, was happy. Oh the joys of COMFORT food

So there you have it, one very long explanation of how enchiladas & my journey to ROAR came together.

With that, I give you my mom’s oh-so-yummy recipe for Green Chile Sour Cream Enchiladas.

Ingredients:
1 Can Cream of Chicken Soup
1 Can Cream of Mushroom Soup
1 Soup Can of Milk
16oz Sour Cream
1 4oz Can Diced Green Chiles
16oz Shredded Monterey Jack or Cheddar Cheese
2 dozen White Corn Tortillas
(Optional: 2 Cooked Chicken Breasts, cubed)

Pre-Heat Oven to 350 Degrees

In a med-large saucepan, combine first 5 ingredients until well blended.
Cook over medium heat, stirring continuously until brought to a simmer.
Remove from heat.

In a 9×13 pan, cover bottom pan with thin layer of prepared sauce then layer as follows:
White Corn Tortillas
Sauce
(Optional: Cubed Chicken)
Cheese
Repeat 2 more times.
Cover with foil & bake at 350 degrees for 45 mins, removing foil last 10 mins to lightly brown top.

Serve with a side salad & a side of refried beans.

Last but not least: ENJOY! This is my all time favorite dish from my mom. May it bring you the comfort you might just be seeking.

Love & Courage.

I ROAR to Raise Awareness

6 years ago I was raped. Tomorrow is the anniversary of my rape. Over the past year, I’ve made the choice to turn a traumatic event into a positive journey. The biggest part of this journey aside from my healing, surviving & thriving has been raising awareness in hopes to make a difference.

So tonight, as the anniversary of my rape approaches, I will ROAR to raise awareness by tweeting my story. I can only hope that as you read my tweets, you are reminded of the seriousness of this crime & become aware of the importance of reaching out against rape.

All of my tweets will be tagged with #ROAR so you can follow along.

Thank you for your support as I ROAR tonight!

Love & Courage.

Reporting Update

One of the best things about telling my story, starting this blog, creating ROAR, has been the amazing support I’ve continued to receive and the amazing connections I’ve made with other survivors of sexual assault. Just this week, I received an email from someone who is going through her own battle since reporting and who actually lives in my neck of the woods! She gave me the information of victim’s advocate she has been working with locally and suggested I speak with her in regards to my own rape and see what kind of guidance she can provide.

So I’ve decided to speak with this advocate to get her advice before going forward. I don’t feel safe rushing into reporting, mostly because I don’t know whats going to happen. Even though I’ve done research, I’m still not comfortable with the process. I’m terrified of the unknown and I think this person might just be what I need to make those next critical steps.

So to my latest connection who shall remain nameless – thank you for the information. All of you who I’ve connected with because I shared my story have been angels to me in one way or another and I’m honored that our paths have crossed.

Updates to come!

Love & Courage.

Have I Reported?

Many of you have asked if I’ve reported my rape yet. The answer to that question is no. I’ve struggled with it in so many ways. Ways that I don’t think many people would understand. But I haven’t given up the idea. I’ve made a promise to myself that I’m going to do it and I will.

I’ve considered video taping my experience as I make that call to report the rape and possibly use it as a tool to reach out to other survivors who may be struggling with the same issues.

The pressure to report my rape this week is a little heavy… Saturday will mark the 6 year anniversary of my rape. July 17th. And for whatever reason, I feel like reporting it before the 6 year mark is important. So if I’m going to report before then, that means I have exactly 3 days to do it. I’m finding myself coming up with every excuse NOT to report it by then… Such as, I have to work every day 8-5. When I’m not at work I’m with my 2 little kids. How can I make such an important phone call when I’m tending to 2 fussy kiddos? Okay okay, so my husband will gladly watch the kids while I step out to make the “call”… But where do I go? To my car? To Starbucks? How long will it take? What if I have an anxiety attack? Who will be there to dry my tears? Who will be there to help keep me accountable when I stare at my phone, contemplating whether or not I should make that call?

So many worries. Or are they just excuses I’m making up to avoid having to relive this nightmare? Call them worries or excuses… None of which are all that important, especially when you consider how important it is to just pick up the phone, make the call and report it. Like Nike says, Just Do It. Right?

I welcome any suggestions you all might have that may help me take this next HUGE step.

Love &  Courage! xo

I’m Baaaack!

After a brief hiatus – I’m happy to announce… I’m back I had to take a few steps back to focus on some important issues in my life but I’m back now and fully dedicated to ROARing very VERY loudly.

I owe a HUGE thank you to those who continued to check the blog, email, reach out, tweet, etc. Please know that even though I may not have had a chance to respond, your kind words and very special messages mean oh so very much to me. Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart! This journey hasn’t been an easy one but I have to say, the support I’ve received along the way has been overwhelming in the most wonderful way.

Now – I have a lot of catching up to do! Stay tuned!

xo

Reporting – What’s Stopping Me?

Recently I decided that I am going to report my rape. I’ve done my homework and I know the process and what to expect. The next step is actually reporting. Picking up the phone and reporting my rape. That’s it. So, if I’ve already made the decision to do it, why haven’t I done it? What’s stopping me?

Well I could sit here and give excuses as to why I havent done it… Or I can just own the fact that I am scared to death. But I don’t know why?! Well actually okay, yes I do know why. Kinda. I’m afraid of the process. Yes I know what the process is, but I don’t know how it will make me feel. Will reliving that night cause me to have a dreaded panic attack? I’m afraid of what will happen after I report, if anything. Will they choose to investigate? Will he come after me if he finds out I reported? So many questions. So many fears.

So why put myself through all of this? No one is making me report. Why am I doing this to myself? As I was sitting in my cubical at work today, staring at a picture of my daughter, I was reminded of why I made the decision to report in the first place… Reporting my rape may do absolutely nothing. It may fall on deaf ears and never make a difference. But on the other hand, reporting could very possibly save another innocent girl from experiencing the same trauma I faced almost 6 years ago.

And then I began to feel embarrassed that I haven’t reported yet. I was not just a victim of a crime, I was a witness to a crime. A crime that is 2nd only to murder, and I did not report it. I know who this man is. I know his name. There is no excuse for not reporting. In fact, it kind of feels like I am committing a crime by not reporting. If that makes any sense… If this man has raped again since he raped me, I actually feel a little responsible. I could have very possibly put a stop to this mans criminal behavior simply by reporting my rape that next morning. But I didn’t. And so here we are, almost 6 years later.

It is very likely that reporting this late in the game will have zero impact. But I don’t know that for sure. So I will report. What do I have to lose? I can tell you what I have to gain, and that is closure.

My daughter, Brooklyn

Haven’t posted much about my personal/family life on here… But had to share these precious pictures of my mother/daughter photo shoot from this weekend. Here is one reason why I’m determined to overcome the rough aftermath of my rape… my 3 year old daughter, Brooklyn. She deserves a mommy who is happy and present 100% of the time.

Photos by GinaKolsrudPhotography.com